I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
