Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
