why didn't you poke me back
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
