I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
