Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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