Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
