this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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