dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
