Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
