I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
