Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
