i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
