The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
