If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
