You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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