I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
