I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
