I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
