Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
are you so shy because you have an std?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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