He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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