he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
