It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
