you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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