she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
