so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
