Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
