You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
