the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
