Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
