Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
