No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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