i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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