Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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