So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
