He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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