After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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