Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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