Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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