Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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