This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
