maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
