so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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