omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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