I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
