"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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