Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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