dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
