after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
