GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
