I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
