had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In America we eat man semen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
