We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
