We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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